The Holes in our Hearts

This will be a short post.

I'm about to embark on another adventure. This time, I'll be joining Tiffany's cousin Matt and his wife Lori in the Black Hills of Deadwood, South Dakota.

But, I felt compelled to write today. So, I wanted to share an image that one of my grief counselors shared with me. It's been very helpful for me, and others have found it helpful when I've shared it with them.

The loss of our loved one leaves a hole in our heart.

(Here comes the hard news.)

That hole will never be filled, it will ALWAYS be there. 

However, the areas of our heart around that hole can get bigger.

Those new, bigger areas, they can be filled with new and different kinds of love.

Make no mistake, the hole will still be there and it will still hurt.

But, we can embrace the new love and let it dull that pain. 

The new love comes in many different forms. Old friends, new friends, family, nature, the Holy Spirit, the list could go on...

So, we must stop trying to fill the hole and let it exist. Live into the pain, don't ignore it or try to fill it with something else.

Be aware of the areas around the hole that are growing, allow them to grow. Allow them to be filled with new love. Don't stop the growth, don't shut off your heart.

I remember when Kal gave me this illustration. I remember crying when he told me that the hole would always be there. It's a hard pill to swallow. Our whole life and culture centers around covering up, masking, or eliminating pain. 

But, in this instance, we must recognize it. We must name it.

Over time, acknowledging the hole became liberating. It meant that I didn't have to try to fill it. It meant that I didn't have to "move on". It meant that I could focus on those areas around the hole and devote energy into filling them.

To deny the hole in our heart we would have to deny the impact our loved one made on our life. We would never want to do that.

So, we live with the hole, trusting that it will be filled in the age to come. All the while, learning to fill the areas around it with new love.

Because a life without love isn't a life worth living.

Grace, Love, and Peace to you all,

Robert