A Small Introduction

This is a small piece I wrote for the newsletter at Grace Village, the campus ministry I run. Our newsletter comes out twice a year, so this message is meant for folks who know about the accident and for those who don't. It is also meant for folks who knew my wife, and for those who didn't. I tried to write it in a manner that would make it accessible for anyone who read it. I think it serves as a good introduction to whoever may be reading this blog as well. Without further ado...

Dear Friends,

It’s hard to know where to begin with this message, so I’ll take a lesson from Paul.

Grace and Peace to you in the name of our risen Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Many of you know by now, but some of you may not; I lost my beautiful wife Tiffany in a car accident December 8^th, 2013. Even as I type that, it seems unreal. Unfortunately, it is all too real.

For those of you who did not know her, please allow me to tell you a little bit about Tiffany, our life together, and why this ministry has always been at the heart of our story.

Tiffany came to Ball State in the Fall of 2008 to begin her graduate studies in School Psychology. She was a life long Lutheran from Oakdale, MN who received her undergraduate degree from Carthage College in Kenosha, WI. (A good Lutheran school dontcha know…) She was a member of a very talented team of volleyball players at Carthage and she was exceptionally gifted at playing the violin. (She would tell you neither of these things herself because she was very humble and never the type to brag.)

After receiving a not-so-warm welcome from another church in Muncie, she decided to check out The Lutheran Center. It was at The Lutheran Center where she received a very warm welcome from Mike Ashley, who gave her a hug the moment she walked in the door; and from Rodelyn McPherson, who may or may not have played a significant role in getting us together. It was also there that she met a bald, bearded guy who had just moved back to town to become the Director of Exhibits and Education at the Muncie Children’s Museum, yours truly. She liked tall, burly men; I liked tall, blonde Lutherans…it was love at first sight. A year and a half later, I proposed to her right there in the same place we met.

Tiffany came from a family that was heavily involved in ministry, she had several relatives who were pastors and her dearly departed Mother was a church organist who received her Masters in Sacred Music from Luther Seminary. So, when I told her I felt called to ordained ministry, she was my biggest supporter. She supported my work here at Grace Village, and she supported my work at Redeemer Lutheran Church. She was never shy about being involved with either ministry because she loved helping people; she cared about everyone she met. She was a blessing to all who knew her. I don’t say that to fancy up her memory, you can ask anyone who knew her.

We were a perfect team. She was the organization to my spontaneity, the realism to my optimism, and the normal to my eccentrics. As a team, we tried to be a blessing to everyone we encountered. I will try to honor her memory by continuing the vision of life and ministry that we shared together. In marriage, the two become one, and though part of me has died, part of her lives on in me.

Because of her love, support, and vision I am able to recognize that ministry is still where God calls me to be. Though returning to the pulpit was hard, it was the first place that felt “right”. I know that Tiffany would want me to continue this journey that we started together. That means staying on track with seminary and candidacy, and pursuing ordination this Fall. I went to Berkeley, CA at the end of January for class and it went very well. I have been back working at both the campus and the congregation since the New Year began. Not without challenges, but still very much with goals and determination.

It’s hard to say much else about life at this time; it’s still too soon to even pretend to know where things go from here. All I do know is that continuing to work towards building up the Kingdom of God still feels like the place to be.

I want to thank the many of you who have prayed for and supported me during this, my darkest of hours. I know that God’s word is made flesh because you show up. I know that the Holy Spirit is at work because it moves through you. Please continue to pray as I try to keep moving forward, honoring the memory of my beautiful wife by loving and caring for others as much as she did.

Your Brother in Christ,

Robert Abner

(I believe this is our first photo ever taken together, December 2008.)

A Grief Observed

My name is Robert.
I'm 31 years old.
My wife has been dead for 77 days.
I started this blog in order to provide an outlet for all the things rattling around in my head. I hope that these writings can help me continue further in my grieving process as I attempt to "grieve properly".
I also hope that some of these writings may be of help to you as well, whoever you are reading this. Unfortunately, we all must deal with grief on many different levels throughout our lives. If something I write helps you feel less crazy and/or less alone during your own grief journey, I'm glad I could help.
I'm a Lutheran minister who has always tried to maintain an honest level of transparency during my time in ministry. I don't try to be anyone I'm not, and I try to be very open about who I am. I've tried to treat this grief journey in the same manner. I've been very public and open about my grief, both in person and on social media. Sharing my story has been helpful for me, so I will continue to do so.
This blog may make you laugh and it may make you cry, I will be doing both as I type. I may use colorful language occasionally and I will talk about Jesus fairly often, it's part of who I am.
It is my goal to add a new post at least once a week. I've noted many topics since this tragedy befell me that I'd like to write about, so if I have the goal of one post a week I hope I can keep myself accountable.
A special thanks to all of you who have stuck by me this far, the journey continues.