plan noun \ˈplan\
1
: a drawing or
diagram drawn on a plane: as
a : a top or
horizontal view of an object
b : a large-scale map
of a small area
2
a : a method for
achieving an end
b : an often
customary method of doing something :
procedure
c : a detailed
formulation of a program of action
d : goal, aim
3
: an orderly
arrangement of parts of an overall design or objective
Interesting dialogue occurs when you put the words "God" and "Plan" in a sentence together.
-I believe that God has a Plan (capital P) when it comes to the redemption and restoration of this world and all things in it.
-I do not believe that my wife's death was "all part of a plan" (lowercase p), as some folks like to (or hate to) believe.
Before I go any further, perhaps we should examine the definition of believe as well. Because I'm going to talk about what I believe, not what I know. There's a difference in what we can believe and what we can know.
be·lieve verb \bə-ˈlēv\
intransitive verb
1
a : to have a firm
religious faith
b : to accept
something as true, genuine, or real <ideals we believe in> <believes
in ghosts>
2
: to have a firm
conviction as to the goodness, efficacy, or ability of something <believe in
exercise>
3
: to hold an opinion
: think <I believe so>
What I believe may be different from what you believe. That's okay. To take it a step further, if you are also a follower of Jesus, what I believe may be different from what you believe. Again, it's still okay with me. I don't believe that any of us have God or the Bible fully "figured out". I'm okay with that, many of you may not be. So, the things I'm about to say are what I believe. You may not believe it, and I'm sure we could proof-text each other until Jesus comes back. But, what would be the point? I digress...
That first Plan, the capital P, I believe that. I affirm the words of the Apostle's and Nicene Creeds (and the Athanasian Creed too for the record). And, I believe the oft quoted words from the third chapter of John's Gospel especially because they speak to God's great love of the World. (And, I do mean World with a capital W, from the word Kosmos in Greek. This speaks to God's love for all of creation, not just our self-centered worldview.) Long story short, I believe that God loves this world and everything in it, and He's ultimately going to fix everything in the end. That's the Plan I believe in.
The "plan" I don't believe in is the notion that my wife's death was part of "the plan". As if to say her death had to occur in order for some "plan" to be fulfilled. At this point, some of you may be asking, what's the difference?
The difference is, I don't believe that God is the micro-manager of our lives. I don't believe in a God sitting in Heaven pulling levers and pullies controlling every aspect of our lives. I believe in free will and I don't believe that everything happens for a reason.
What plan, what reason, could God possibly have for taking my wife from this Earth? Why would God choose to remove someone who brought joy and love to everyone She encountered? What plan is made better by causing the death of a devoted follower who did her best to make the Gospel known through her actions as much as her words?
At this point, some of you will say, "Robert, you have no way of knowing whether or not this was part of God's 'plan'." And, you would be 100% correct in saying that. I have no way of knowing that. I just have a hard time believing that. I just have a hard time believing in a loving and merciful God who would take away our loved ones in the prime of their life in order that we might learn something from the experience.
Now, that being said. Do I believe that we can all learn something from this tragedy? The answer is yes. But, do I believe that God caused this tragedy in order for us to learn something? The answer is no. I do not believe in a God who causes our suffering, I believe in a God who transforms our suffering. (I paraphrased and stole that from Nadia Bolz-Weber)
Again, I stress that you and I may believe different things about this. That's okay. I believe that God's Kingdom is big enough for us to maintain our opposing viewpoints on this. So, if it's more comforting for you to believe that God chooses to kill fantastic people in order for a plan to come together, then please continue to do so. (I'm sorry if that sounded condescending)
No, I don't believe that God is the micro-manager of our lives. But, I do believe that God is at work in our lives. I believe that God's Holy Spirit moves among and within us and it will strengthen and sustain us until we see the Plan (capital P) completed in full.
The final plans that I want to speak about, were our plans. Beyond the physical loss of Tiffany, I also carry the grief of losing our plans for the future. It's hard to play the hand you've been dealt when you enjoyed your old hand so much more. (I've never tried to make that argument at the casino, I'm sure it wouldn't work there either.)
Of course, we had more plans to travel. We had planned on having children. We had imagined what our life would look like in ten years. We put money into retirement. We planned on growing old together. We made so many plans for so many weekends that we didn't know what to do if we didn't have plans.
Some new plans are easy to make: hunting trips, fishing trips, trips with friends, etc.
But, many plans are hard to make, because it just doesn't feel right making plans without her. She was a much better planner than I, and now I have to make plans without her. And that just sucks.
And, as I spoke about in my previous post, the survivor's guilt occasionally makes me feel guilty for making plans without her. It can make me feel as if I'm leaving her behind. I know I'm not leaving her behind, I never could. But, it can be a long distance from your head to your heart.
Luckily I have plenty of friends and family ready to make new plans with me. (Too many plans sometimes!) Though it isn't the same, it's a start. And, I'm just so damned thankful that people are willing to make new plans with me knowing that these plans are the hardest ones to make.
Speaking of plans, I have some to attend to right now, so I think I'll quit rambling on about them and go do them.
Grace and Peace,
Robert
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