Mother's Day Lamentations

One of the most difficult things about grief is that you never know when it’s going to hit you.

This has been a tough morning.

I didn’t think Mother’s Day would be another painful first, but it is.

Tiffany wasn’t a mother, therein lies the source of my grief.

The fact that we didn’t have any children has been a double edged sword. On the one hand, I couldn’t imagine how much more difficult this would be if I had another human life dependent upon me. But, on the other hand, it would have been another piece of her that would have lived on.

Tiffany should have had the chance to become a mother; she would have been a wonderful mom. She loved kids so much. She loved her days working at the daycare, she loved the kids she worked with as a school psychologist, and most of all, she loved all the kids that her friends and family members were having in recent years.

Her face would just light up anytime there was a baby nearby.

So many of her/our friends are pregnant now, and it brings me such joy and sorrow. It’s not fair that she doesn’t get to be around to share in the joy with them. It’s not fair that she doesn’t get to be here, pregnant alongside them. It’s not fair that I won’t get to go on late night food runs to fulfill whatever obscure craving she’s having that evening.

But, what about any of this has been fair?

However, I do give thanks that this is the first Mother’s Day that she doesn’t have to miss her dear mother, for she is with her.

I will end the lamenting here. I started this post before church, and now that I’ve joined my friends in giving glory to God, I’m feeling better. I leave now to visit my own mother and take her out to lunch. Then, I get to go to Indy to see Brian, Rachel, Miles, and Jax. Oh Jax, the closest thing to a child that Tiffany had. I love seeing him, but I weep like a child for the first few minutes. But, don’t worry, I’m smiling through those tears.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers, and baby’s momma’s mommas…

Grace and Peace,

Robert

P.S. Here's one of the last photos I ever took of Tiffany. This was Thanksgiving. She's holding her cousin Kevin's baby and Jax is checking everything out.