Dreams, Visions, Tattoos, etc.

(Caution: We're going to explore some far out places today. I'm venturing into the world of dreams and visions. I've shared these stories with very few people up until this point. The stories have helped some and brought them peace. However, the stories have been difficult for some people to hear, whether they found comfort in them or not. Read ahead at your own risk and have your tissues ready.

P.S. Some of you may think I'm crazy after you read this. I don't blame you.)

It's not often that someone talks about being visited by their deceased loved ones while they are sleeping. I believe these stories aren't shared for two reasons. Number one, you believe you're crazy. Number two, others will believe you are crazy.

Honestly, it's all pretty crazy.

However, dreams have been powerful and influential since the beginning of time. Dreams and visions are discussed in every major religion and they've been used throughout history in myth and folklore. People have tried to interpret them and psychoanalyze them. People have followed these dreams and visions to achieve great things, but people have also cited dreams as reasons for carrying out heinous acts...

Dear friends, I must admit, I've always been a skeptic when it comes to dreams. I've always believed that they were merely our subconscious playing out while we sleep. If you told me about an important dream you had that changed the course of your life, I probably thought you were crazy. (I do apologize for that.)

Furthermore, I must also admit that while I am hopelessly devoted to the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth and constantly trying to live into them for the sake of God and neighbor, I am pretty bad at believing in the mystical side of my faith. I believe in the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting. I believe in a man who died and rose again three days later. I believe that Christ is truly present in the sacraments. And, I believe that the Holy Spirit moves and works through all of us. However, I'm trying to follow a pre-modern, Middle Eastern Rabbi in a post-enlightenment, post-modern, Western civilization. Some things are still hard to believe, even when you do take them on faith. Some of these things are even harder to believe in when they don't directly apply to the teachings of Jesus or our ability to live out those teachings.

So, what then, is a man to do with dreams? I had never given much thought to it. Jesus never discusses dreams in the Gospel accounts. However, dreams are mentioned by the author of Matthew's Gospel. An Angel of the Lord appears to Joseph and instructs him in a few dreams. And, interestingly enough, Pilate discusses a dream that his wife had had about Jesus. Outside of this, dreams and visions do play a significant role throughout the entire Bible. (Peter, Paul, Joseph in Egypt, many prophets, and that often misinterpreted yet beautifully written Apocalyptic letter at the end of the New Testament...just to name a few.)

But, again, let's remember my skepticism about dreams and other mystical things. Upon reading C.S. Lewis' "A Grief Observed", I discovered that he too had a dream/vision/visit from his deceased wife. His sentiments going into the experience were much the same as mine, "I said, several notebooks ago, that even if I got what seemed like an assurance of my wife's presence, I wouldn't believe it. Easier said than done. Even now, though, I won’t treat anything of that sort as evidence. It’s the quality of last night’s experience—not what it proves but what it was—that makes it worth putting down."

So, all of that being said, let's proceed to the dreams/visions. (I'm sure you were all wondering when I would get to the point.)

One last question, is there a difference between dreams and visions? Are dreams our subconscious playing out, while visions are given to us by God? Are they interchangeable? Are they one in the same? I'll let you decide that for yourself.

The first two dreams were not mine. I recount them here with permission.

Tiffany's good friend Emily texted me on December 22nd, 2 weeks after the accident, to tell me about her dream. This is the conversation:

I was really shook up when I received this text. Granted, it was only two weeks after the accident. But, I didn't know what to think about it. Was this a real thing? Was Emily visited by Tiffany? Or, did God give Emily this vision? Or, was this Emily's subconscious merely giving her some of the closure she needed?

I'm sure you can imagine where I landed after I had a few days to think about it. I was sure that this was Emily's subconscious giving her what she needed. Surely, we are not visited by our deceased loved ones in our dreams. Surely, God does not grant these visions to us common folk...

But, then it happened again. Tiffany's friend Julie sent me a text message on January 4th recounting a dream/vision that she had had. Here is that conversation.

*Cue the Twilight Zone Music*

Okay, now things were getting weird.

Two friends, with two different dreams.

The message that she's okay being portrayed in both dreams.

And, what about how Tiffany would not allow Julie to hug her or touch her, it bares an odd resemblance to Jesus appearing to Mary Magdalene after the resurrection in John's Gospel when He told her to not "hold onto" Him because He had not yet ascended to the father.

And, let's face it, if I were looking for "proof", would I have to look any further than the fact that she asked Julie to get me a beer. C'mon folks...

I was paying attention now. I didn't know what it all meant. I didn't think it was a "smoking gun" to prove the afterlife or the intercessory actions of our loved ones. But, I was starting to find comfort instead of confusion from this whole dream business.

Then, I had my dream. And, I can't even call it a dream. It was a vision, it was a visit, it was something more than my "subconscious" playing out. I believe this because Tiffany has been in my simple dreams, in those dreams she's a character playing a role. In the simple dreams we have rehearsed lines and our interactions are nothing more than our typical day to day business. This vision or visit was so much more. I defer to C.S. Lewis again, "If this was a throw-up from my unconscious, then my unconscious must be a far more interesting region than the depth psychologists have led me to expect. For one thing, it is apparently much less primitive than my consciousness."

On the morning of January 14th, between 5:30-7 a.m., this event took place while I slept:

I was inside my church, Redeemer Lutheran, standing in the little area between my office and the rear exit of the sanctuary. This is where I stood to receive people after Tiffany's memorial service. The same sort of scene was playing out. People were lined up coming out of the sanctuary, but I don't remember any of their faces. In the middle of receiving these people, I looked up, and Tiffany was standing in the line. She was in the doorway between the sanctuary and the little area in which we were all standing. Of course, I went straight to her. I asked her what she was doing here. She put up her hands and looked around, as if to draw my attention to know that we were standing in the church, and she says, "Where else would I be?" We held each other, then she looked me in the eye, and she said "Love me forever." I told her, "You know I will." I began to cry, then she gave me a kiss. She turned to walk back into the sanctuary, but I stopped her and I said, "I'll be with you soo..."(I started to say soon, but I stopped myself because I didn't want her to think that I was going to take my own life or do something reckless) As I stood there searching for the words to say, she gave me a loving look and a nod as if she knew what I meant to say. Then, she turned and went into the sanctuary. I went in to follow her, but she was gone.

I woke up and wept like a child.

I never had a vision/visit before this one. I haven't had one since.

A few things I've noted about the vision/visit:

-I find great significance in Tiffany pointing out that we were in the church. If what we believe is true, where else would she be? And, my friend Claire pointed out, it was strikingly similar to the young Jesus' response to when he was found in the temple by His upset parents in Luke's Gospel "Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?
-Early on, I wrestled with her message of "Love me Forever". I worried that she thought there was a chance I wouldn't. I've come to believe that it was her way of saying "you will need to carry on with your life, just always keep me with you".
-The kiss. The kiss was something I needed. It was our last kiss. I could not bring myself to kiss her lifeless body in the casket, I didn't want it to be my last memory of kissing her. The kiss in the dream was as sweet as every kiss we'd shared in our lives together.

Do you think I'm crazy yet?

I love that the dreams/visions came to three people who always maintained a healthy dose of skepticism about dreams/visions.

Perhaps it's the very reason they did come to us.

I'm not saying this proves anything. Nor am I saying it was everything I'd hoped and dreamed for.

I am saying it was something. It was too real to ignore. I approach the mystical side of the faith with a little more awe and wonder.

Perhaps this doesn't sound so crazy to you because you've had your own dreams/visions/visits with loved ones. You'd be surprised at the stories that I've heard from people after I've shared this with them. It's as though others aren't afraid to share their experiences once they've heard yours. Maybe they feel less crazy, maybe they realize we're both crazy.

So, now you know the source for the text on the tattoo I got to honor Tiffany. The reason for the violin and the purple are both pretty obvious.

Not knowing what else to say, I leave you with the wit and wisdom of Forrest Gump, "That's all I've got to say about that."

Grace and Peace,
Robert

P.S. After the dream, the word "Forever" stood out in my mind, and it reminded me of the song "Forever" by the Dropkick Murphys. It speaks to the situation very well. Here's a beautiful acoustic version of the song.