To be Married and given in Marriage

Many of you know that my wife's favorite movie was "The Notebook". I'm willing to bet that she had probably watched the movie over one hundred times during the span of her short life. Not only did she like the movie: she read the book, learned how to play selections from the score on the piano, and had the movie poster.

She loved the movie so much, that I made her a deal. Because she watched so many of my goofy horror movies and far-out documentaries, I would watch "The Notebook" with her once a year. She could choose to watch it on her birthday or our anniversary. 

I didn't watch the movie on her birthday this year, and I must admit that I will not be watching it this Wednesday for our anniversary.

I don't like the movie. Listen, I know it's sweet that he goes and reads to her everyday because her memory is gone. But, let's face it, they weren't a very good couple to begin with. They fought all the time!

Tiffany always hoped that she would find her "Noah", I hope that I was a better fit for her than a "Noah" character would have been.

So, yeah, this Wednesday would have been our third wedding anniversary. 

I'm writing the blog now because I'll be in Tennessee on Wednesday. I'm going on vacation with my cousin and her kids. I'll be in good hands, my cousin is also a widow, so she knows what this particular brand of crazy looks like.

This is going to be another one of those painful firsts, it's been weighing on me for the last couple of days already. 

This is the worst. The woooooooooooorst. (Jean-Ralphio Voice)

In marriage, the two become one. This week, as I remember the day that we made our vows, I feel the absence of my better half more than ever.

I also remember that at the end of those vows, we said "til death do us part" or "as long as we both shall live". It's a hard pill to swallow, but I have come to understand that death ends a marriage.

(I know, we could talk for hours about the theological implications of marriage.)

Marriage is something we do here. Marriage is pleasing to God. Marriage helps us get through this life.

But, Jesus says that in the age to come, we will not marry or be given in marriage. 

I believe that I will see Tiffany again and our love will be complete because we will both be fully united with Christ. But, I don't know that we will be Husband and Wife in Heaven. It has taken awhile to adjust to this idea, but I've learned to accept it. Because, I believe that I have no way of knowing what the age to come will look like. But, I know that it will be better than anything I can assume about it.

However, the hard truth remains, I wasn't done having her as my wife on this side of eternity. 

I still need her. I feel so incomplete without her. Some days I wonder how I make it without her by my side.

I try not to spend too much time giving myself a pity party and living in the past, but on these painful firsts I give myself a pass. You've got to.

My wife was an amazing woman, and I'll never forget how beautiful she was on our wedding day. (or, everyday for that matter)

She made me a better man.

I remember her every time I got to the communion table, because I know that the Body of Christ still connects us. When I eat the bread and drink the wine, I know that she joins me because she now rests in Christ. In the sacraments, I remember how thin the veil between this world and the next can be.

We had communion during our wedding ceremony; it connected us to the saints then, and it connects me to Tiffany now.

Please say an extra prayer for me this Wednesday, July 16th, I'm sure I will need it. And please, take a moment to remember our wedding or any other special memory of my wife. And, most importantly, remember that the Body of Christ still connects us to Tiffany, and all of our loved ones who have gone on.

Grace, Mercy, and Peace to you,
Robert