"Chiseled in Stone" and other sad old country songs

Growing up, I learned how to sing by listening to my Dad sing along to country music while we rode around in his truck. Johnny Cash, George Jones, Merle Haggard, Alabama, Garth Brooks...he sang along with all of 'em.

That's also where I learned to love many of the same songs that I love today.

One of those songs is by a country singer named Vern Gosdin. Vern's name doesn't carry the same weight these days that the aforementioned names do, but the dude could sing.

One of his biggest hits was titled "Chiseled in Stone".

It's about a man getting into an argument with his wife and then running off to the bar to drown his sorrows. While there, he encounters a fellow patron who informs him he should be grateful for what he has. Because, as he says, "you don't know about lonely or how long nights can be, until you've lived through the story that's still living inside me. You don't know about sadness, until you've faced life alone. No, you don't know about lonely until it's chiseled in stone."

I remember the first time Tiffany heard that song. We were at the 8 Second Saloon seeing David Allan Coe in concert. (If you want to hear wilder stories about that concert, just ask me in person.) Ol' DAC is known for doing medleys at his concerts, sometimes they're fun, sometimes I think he just doesn't know all the words. Either way, Chiseled in Stone came up in a medley. In the middle, he explained that his wife had passed away (which I later found out wasn't entirely true) and that this song conveyed how he felt. The sad, heartfelt words of the chorus made Tiffany cry; right there, in the middle of a DAC concert.

I thought about that Vern Gosdin song, and I thought about how it impacted Tiffany, last Wednesday when I picked out her headstone.

It was another difficult milestone, along with facing our first Thanksgiving without her.

I don't know why it took me so long to pick out a headstone. It's not something you need to rush into. But, I don't think I was ready for it when I was in Minnesota back in June. Honestly, I don't think anyone is ever ready for it. But, it's something that has to be done. 

Picking out a headstone is pretty permanent. It's another sobering reminder. It's not something I planned on doing this early in life.

What do you put on the headstone of the person you planned on spending the rest of your life with? How do you convey to the world who they were? How do you take a slab of stone and make it say "one of the finest people who ever walked the earth, who was gone too soon, who meant so much to so many people, and I feel sorry for you if you never got to meet her"?

Tiffany's father and cousin accompanied me to the cemetery and we laughed through tears as we thought of how full her headstone would be if we went wild with descriptors "Wife-Daughter-Sister-Cousin-Friend-Niece-Violinist-Volleyballer-Croc Enthusiast-Child of God..." We could have filled up multiple headstones.

But, that's not the norm.

So, you pick a headstone. And you do the best you can.

Let me tell ya, that ol' Vern Gosdin song is right.

You don't know about lonely, or how long nights can be...
You don't know about lonely, until it's chiseled in stone.

One would think that maybe a man like me wouldn't want to listen to those sad old country songs any more, but the truth is quite the opposite. Those sad old country songs have gotten me through some of my loneliest times. The loneliness of loss is often accompanied by the loneliness of isolation, the feeling that you're the only person who has ever felt this way. Those sad old songs remind me that I'm not the only country boy who has ever faced loss or been sad before.

This doesn't mean I'm lonely all of the time. I stay pretty well surrounded by people who love and support me. But, I can't be surrounded by people all the time. It's not possible, and it wouldn't be entirely helpful for the healing process. 

I know that there are plenty of people who are just a phone call away when I face deep loneliness, but sometimes I've just got to spend that time talking to Jesus and listening to sad old country songs.

-

The one year anniversary of Tiffany's death is a week from tomorrow...can you believe that? Some days I can, some days I can't. The days can be so long, but the months go by so fast.

Please continue to keep me in your prayers as I face yet another difficult milestone. But, I won't face it alone, I've got plans to be with friends and family...and sad old country songs...and of course, the Holy Spirit.

Grace and Peace,

Robert