A little story that coincides with the big story.

This is not a cop out post, but it is a republication. 

Honestly, I had no time to write today. Not only did I not have time to write, there was no pressing issue that needed to be written about.

But, isn't that kind of the point? Shouldn't I be glad for a day that I don't feel the need to write the blog?

This blog exists for the purpose of releasing some of the thoughts rattling around in my head. And, don't get me wrong, there are still lots of things to write about. But, that day was not today.

I just came off of a fantastic weekend spent with friends, family, and a church community that welcomed me as a guest.

But, I wanted to share some writing I did back in February. It was part of my church's newsletter, and I shared it on Facebook. It's an important message to share. So, I figured today would be a good day to share it...

February 2014

Dear Friends,

Grace and Peace to you in the name of our risen Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

On Wednesday, January 15^th, one of my former students sent me a text message to ask if I had any lunch plans for the following day because he’d like to come up from Indy and take me out to lunch. I didn’t have any plans, so I told him I would love to meet him for lunch. What he didn’t know at the time was that the following day was Tiffany’s Birthday, another one of those painful firsts that I was preparing to face. So, naturally, I was trying to find ways to fill my day in Muncie by surrounding myself with those who care about and support me.

Thursday came, and so did another blanketing of snow. My student sent me a text to let me know he was leaving home and that he may be a little delayed by the snow. I told him to drive safely and not take any chances. About ten minutes later, he called to let me know that he had pulled off of the interstate and he was going to make his way back home. The snow had made the roads too dangerous for his car to traverse. Of course, I completely understood. At that point, he shared with me that something had moved him to text me the night before. He didn’t know that Thursday was Tiffany’s birthday. He said he was sitting with his wife and brother Wednesday night and something urged him to text me, something told him that I could use some company for lunch the next day.

Friends, those of us who follow the Triune God would call this the Holy Spirit. I believe it was the Holy Spirit who moved through my student and encouraged him to reach out to me on this particular day. Because, Lord knows, I needed some company. (Don’t worry, I found another friend to join me for lunch.)

But, we may ask, what of the snow? What of the weather? If the Holy Spirit moved my student to keep company with me on a day that I needed it, why would a snow storm dash our plans? Why would God allow a snowstorm to prevent us from getting together?

To that, I say, thank God for the gift of the Holy Spirit and the knowledge that it still moves. But, the reality is, that snow and rain still fall. Ice forms on roads and hurricanes make landfall along coasts. In Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus says that the sun shines on the evil and on the good, and it rains on the righteous and the unrighteous. It is not that God causes these things to happen; it is just the natural world we live in.

God’s Holy Spirit supports and guides us, but the world presents obstacles and disasters that will stand in our way. This does not mean God has abandoned us or caused these things to happen, it’s just the reality of the natural world around us; a world that joins us in longing for restoration, a world that waits with us for the day that all things will be made new.

Blessings,

Vicar Robert

Do not be afraid.

I'm starting to get concerned that if I keep quoting C.S. Lewis on here I'm going to have to give a nickel to his publishers for each hit the blog gets.

Do me a favor, don't rat me out.

But yes, grief does feel like fear in some respects. Uneasiness, unsettled-ness, uncertainty, never knowing what happens next, the inability to relax...the list could go on.

Not only does grief feel like fear. There is, in fact, a lot of fear in the grieving process.

The fear that your loved one didn't know how much you loved them.

The fear that you could have loved them more.

The fear that you have somehow failed them.

The fear that you have to continue life without them.

The fear that you will never see them again.

The fear that the resurrection or the afterlife may not look like what you had planned.

The fear that there could be no resurrection or afterlife. 

(C'mon folks, don't be so surprised. If you've never considered the possibility that your belief system is merely a belief system, you haven't properly challenged your belief system. But, believe me, even when you've assessed that your house is built upon the rock, the storms can still get pretty nasty.)

Yes, my friends, there is a lot of fear associated with grief.

It is because of this fear that I find so much consolation in the resurrection story in Matthew's Gospel account.

Two of the Marys, there were lots of Marys, were going down to the tomb on the morning of the resurrection. It doesn't say why they were going. Were they going to grieve? Or, were they going to investigate?

On the way there, there was a large and sudden earthquake. An angel of the Lord appeared, the angel opened the tomb and sat on it. Weird, I know, I can explain the significance another time. The Roman guards at the tomb freaked out and passed out.

It's a pretty intense scene. So, it should come as no surprise that the first words out of the angel's mouth were "Do not be afraid."

These women are stricken with grief, either looking for Jesus or coming to weep at His tomb, they just felt an earthquake, they just saw an angel, and they just saw Roman soldiers (tough dudes) pass out from fear.

And...the angel's first words are "Do not be afraid."

Easier said than done.

He goes on to say that Jesus is risen, and he'll meet them in Galilee.

The women left quickly with fear and great joy.

Fear AND Great Joy, kinda like when you're about to get on a roller-coaster.

They don't get far until they are suddenly met by the risen Christ. He greets them, they fall at His feet. His first words to them..."Do not be afraid."

I think we're onto something here.

First of all, let's recognize that these women were pretty brave. They had the guts to go to the tomb on the day that the resurrection was supposed to occur, a tomb being guarded by the Romans.

Where was the rest of the gang? Hiding. 

Why? Because they were afraid.

Why were they afraid?

They just saw their leader get beaten to a pulp and nailed to a cross.

Their guy lost.

The Jewish authorities and the Romans were not big fans of these Jesus followers.

They weren't sure that this whole resurrection thing was going to work out. (Neither was Jesus, for that matter. Remember the garden at Gethsemane? Remember His last words from the cross?)

The disciples were afraid. The women were afraid. And, what are Jesus' first words? "Do not be afraid."

This is the same Jesus who suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried.

The same Jesus who descended to the dead. And, who has now on the third day rose again.

And, what does this guy have to say? "Do not be afraid."

I know it's easier said than done, but I like where Jesus is going with this.

Then, that got me thinking. Where else does Jesus tell us not to be afraid?

Before His crucifixion and death, Jesus nails it on the head.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also. And you know the way to the place where I am going.” -John 14:1-4

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid." -John 14:27

Jesus knew the disciples would be afraid. Jesus knows that we have fears. Perhaps that's why he took some pretty opportune moments to remind people to not be afraid.

In the midst of my grief this week, these texts have given me peace. Pre-Crucifixion Jesus and Post-Resurrection Jesus both remind us to not be afraid.

Again, I know it's easier said than done. But, I've been giving it my best shot.

I believe in the resurrection.

I believe that the pain of grief, and the fear it brings, will never defeat the hope of resurrection.

Easter blessings to you all.

Grace and Peace,

Robert

*Bonus*

Here's a decent choral arrangement for the hymn, "You Are Mine".

Do not be afraid I am with you

I have called you each by name

Come and Follow Me

I will bring you Home

I love you and you are Mine

God won't give you more than you can handle?

You have heard people say, "God won't give you more than you can handle." It has probably been said to you when you were facing a particularly tough time in your life. Don't be upset when people say it, they're only trying to be helpful. 

Some people like to get a laugh out of it by adding, "I know that God won't give me more than I can handle, I just wish He didn't trust me so much."

Yet, the expression is still a little off. 

I've seen images like this a few times, it's a little closer to being accurate.

I've read several good articles and blog posts on this very subject. So, I want to voice my perspective on this platitude and try not to be too repetitive about what others have already said better than me.

First off, let's explore its origin. Many people will qualify this statement by opening with "You know, the Bible says..." or by saying "Well, it's in the Bible..."

I've learned over the years, that when people say things like this, you should probably check the Bible to see if it's actually there. Then, if it actually is there, you should check the context in which it was written.

It may come as a surprise to you when I tell you that this statement is not in the Bible. At least, not the way it is commonly said or applied. It is taken from a verse in 1 Corinthians that has gone through a bad game of "telephone".

1 Corinthians 10:13

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

This verse appears in the middle of a passage that is discussing idolatry and the temptation to engage in acts that lead to idolatry. (You can check it out for yourself, since I just told you to verify when someone tells you what's in the Bible.)

It's quite a bit different from "God won't give you more than you can handle.", isn't it? Perhaps it's not far off if someone says it to you when you're facing temptation. But, it doesn't really apply to most of the situations in which you hear it.

I've heard this said to people fighting cancer.

I've heard this said to people who have been the victims of abuse.

It's always said to people who are grieving.

I'm here to tell you friends, in these scenarios and many more, you will face more than you can handle.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself. Before we get to what you can or can't handle. Let's go back to that first line. "God won't give you..." There is a fundamental problem with the opening of this platitude. You are implying that God has given this affliction to people. You are implying that God gave them cancer...for a reason. (If you've read my earlier blog posts, you already know my disdain for "everything happens for a reason") Furthermore, you are implying that God gives us the horrible situations in our lives. As if God finds pleasure in "giving" us trials and tribulations. You are implying that people who have been abused were abused for some greater purpose. You are implying that God is a jerk.

It is important to understand that God does not "give us" the terrible things that happen in our lives. We live in a natural world, we have free will, others do too. Terrible and unspeakable things can happen to us in this otherwise beautiful world. Unfortunately, shit happens. Oftentimes, there is no "answer" for it.

But, as I've said before. You don't have to agree with me on these theological stances. If it makes you feel better to believe that God is giving you all the crap in your life, please feel free to carry on believing as such.

But, let me tell you about the God I believe in. I believe in the God who gave sight to the blind, not the one who struck them with blindness.* I believe in the God who allowed the crippled to walk, not the one who made them lame for a reason. I believe in the God who raised people to new life, not the God who struck them dead for a greater purpose. I believe in the God who shows up in our weakness, not the God who causes it.

Things will happen to you in this world that will be impossible for you to handle alone. I believe in the God who shows up to help you handle it. I believe in the God who fills you with the Holy Spirit. I believe in the God who fills others with the Holy Spirit and inspires them to surround you with love and support.

If you are going through hard times right now, please know that God is not heaping calamity upon you. Trust in the God who gets us through hard times, not in a god who causes them.

Grace and Peace,

Robert 

*Some of you may point to the story of the blind man in John 9 as an example of how God gave blindness to the man so that God's work could be done. Kudos to you if you remembered that. Unfortunately, the NRSV and NIV translate the story to sound like God gave this man his blindness as though it was all leading up to the day that Jesus would cure him. However, a closer examination of the original Greek and other translations KJV, LB, Message, reveal that the punctuation and translation make a big difference. Instead, it is revealed to be a story of the importance of doing God's work, not asking who is to blame.

Dreams, Visions, Tattoos, etc.

(Caution: We're going to explore some far out places today. I'm venturing into the world of dreams and visions. I've shared these stories with very few people up until this point. The stories have helped some and brought them peace. However, the stories have been difficult for some people to hear, whether they found comfort in them or not. Read ahead at your own risk and have your tissues ready.

P.S. Some of you may think I'm crazy after you read this. I don't blame you.)

It's not often that someone talks about being visited by their deceased loved ones while they are sleeping. I believe these stories aren't shared for two reasons. Number one, you believe you're crazy. Number two, others will believe you are crazy.

Honestly, it's all pretty crazy.

However, dreams have been powerful and influential since the beginning of time. Dreams and visions are discussed in every major religion and they've been used throughout history in myth and folklore. People have tried to interpret them and psychoanalyze them. People have followed these dreams and visions to achieve great things, but people have also cited dreams as reasons for carrying out heinous acts...

Dear friends, I must admit, I've always been a skeptic when it comes to dreams. I've always believed that they were merely our subconscious playing out while we sleep. If you told me about an important dream you had that changed the course of your life, I probably thought you were crazy. (I do apologize for that.)

Furthermore, I must also admit that while I am hopelessly devoted to the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth and constantly trying to live into them for the sake of God and neighbor, I am pretty bad at believing in the mystical side of my faith. I believe in the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting. I believe in a man who died and rose again three days later. I believe that Christ is truly present in the sacraments. And, I believe that the Holy Spirit moves and works through all of us. However, I'm trying to follow a pre-modern, Middle Eastern Rabbi in a post-enlightenment, post-modern, Western civilization. Some things are still hard to believe, even when you do take them on faith. Some of these things are even harder to believe in when they don't directly apply to the teachings of Jesus or our ability to live out those teachings.

So, what then, is a man to do with dreams? I had never given much thought to it. Jesus never discusses dreams in the Gospel accounts. However, dreams are mentioned by the author of Matthew's Gospel. An Angel of the Lord appears to Joseph and instructs him in a few dreams. And, interestingly enough, Pilate discusses a dream that his wife had had about Jesus. Outside of this, dreams and visions do play a significant role throughout the entire Bible. (Peter, Paul, Joseph in Egypt, many prophets, and that often misinterpreted yet beautifully written Apocalyptic letter at the end of the New Testament...just to name a few.)

But, again, let's remember my skepticism about dreams and other mystical things. Upon reading C.S. Lewis' "A Grief Observed", I discovered that he too had a dream/vision/visit from his deceased wife. His sentiments going into the experience were much the same as mine, "I said, several notebooks ago, that even if I got what seemed like an assurance of my wife's presence, I wouldn't believe it. Easier said than done. Even now, though, I won’t treat anything of that sort as evidence. It’s the quality of last night’s experience—not what it proves but what it was—that makes it worth putting down."

So, all of that being said, let's proceed to the dreams/visions. (I'm sure you were all wondering when I would get to the point.)

One last question, is there a difference between dreams and visions? Are dreams our subconscious playing out, while visions are given to us by God? Are they interchangeable? Are they one in the same? I'll let you decide that for yourself.

The first two dreams were not mine. I recount them here with permission.

Tiffany's good friend Emily texted me on December 22nd, 2 weeks after the accident, to tell me about her dream. This is the conversation:

I was really shook up when I received this text. Granted, it was only two weeks after the accident. But, I didn't know what to think about it. Was this a real thing? Was Emily visited by Tiffany? Or, did God give Emily this vision? Or, was this Emily's subconscious merely giving her some of the closure she needed?

I'm sure you can imagine where I landed after I had a few days to think about it. I was sure that this was Emily's subconscious giving her what she needed. Surely, we are not visited by our deceased loved ones in our dreams. Surely, God does not grant these visions to us common folk...

But, then it happened again. Tiffany's friend Julie sent me a text message on January 4th recounting a dream/vision that she had had. Here is that conversation.

*Cue the Twilight Zone Music*

Okay, now things were getting weird.

Two friends, with two different dreams.

The message that she's okay being portrayed in both dreams.

And, what about how Tiffany would not allow Julie to hug her or touch her, it bares an odd resemblance to Jesus appearing to Mary Magdalene after the resurrection in John's Gospel when He told her to not "hold onto" Him because He had not yet ascended to the father.

And, let's face it, if I were looking for "proof", would I have to look any further than the fact that she asked Julie to get me a beer. C'mon folks...

I was paying attention now. I didn't know what it all meant. I didn't think it was a "smoking gun" to prove the afterlife or the intercessory actions of our loved ones. But, I was starting to find comfort instead of confusion from this whole dream business.

Then, I had my dream. And, I can't even call it a dream. It was a vision, it was a visit, it was something more than my "subconscious" playing out. I believe this because Tiffany has been in my simple dreams, in those dreams she's a character playing a role. In the simple dreams we have rehearsed lines and our interactions are nothing more than our typical day to day business. This vision or visit was so much more. I defer to C.S. Lewis again, "If this was a throw-up from my unconscious, then my unconscious must be a far more interesting region than the depth psychologists have led me to expect. For one thing, it is apparently much less primitive than my consciousness."

On the morning of January 14th, between 5:30-7 a.m., this event took place while I slept:

I was inside my church, Redeemer Lutheran, standing in the little area between my office and the rear exit of the sanctuary. This is where I stood to receive people after Tiffany's memorial service. The same sort of scene was playing out. People were lined up coming out of the sanctuary, but I don't remember any of their faces. In the middle of receiving these people, I looked up, and Tiffany was standing in the line. She was in the doorway between the sanctuary and the little area in which we were all standing. Of course, I went straight to her. I asked her what she was doing here. She put up her hands and looked around, as if to draw my attention to know that we were standing in the church, and she says, "Where else would I be?" We held each other, then she looked me in the eye, and she said "Love me forever." I told her, "You know I will." I began to cry, then she gave me a kiss. She turned to walk back into the sanctuary, but I stopped her and I said, "I'll be with you soo..."(I started to say soon, but I stopped myself because I didn't want her to think that I was going to take my own life or do something reckless) As I stood there searching for the words to say, she gave me a loving look and a nod as if she knew what I meant to say. Then, she turned and went into the sanctuary. I went in to follow her, but she was gone.

I woke up and wept like a child.

I never had a vision/visit before this one. I haven't had one since.

A few things I've noted about the vision/visit:

-I find great significance in Tiffany pointing out that we were in the church. If what we believe is true, where else would she be? And, my friend Claire pointed out, it was strikingly similar to the young Jesus' response to when he was found in the temple by His upset parents in Luke's Gospel "Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?
-Early on, I wrestled with her message of "Love me Forever". I worried that she thought there was a chance I wouldn't. I've come to believe that it was her way of saying "you will need to carry on with your life, just always keep me with you".
-The kiss. The kiss was something I needed. It was our last kiss. I could not bring myself to kiss her lifeless body in the casket, I didn't want it to be my last memory of kissing her. The kiss in the dream was as sweet as every kiss we'd shared in our lives together.

Do you think I'm crazy yet?

I love that the dreams/visions came to three people who always maintained a healthy dose of skepticism about dreams/visions.

Perhaps it's the very reason they did come to us.

I'm not saying this proves anything. Nor am I saying it was everything I'd hoped and dreamed for.

I am saying it was something. It was too real to ignore. I approach the mystical side of the faith with a little more awe and wonder.

Perhaps this doesn't sound so crazy to you because you've had your own dreams/visions/visits with loved ones. You'd be surprised at the stories that I've heard from people after I've shared this with them. It's as though others aren't afraid to share their experiences once they've heard yours. Maybe they feel less crazy, maybe they realize we're both crazy.

So, now you know the source for the text on the tattoo I got to honor Tiffany. The reason for the violin and the purple are both pretty obvious.

Not knowing what else to say, I leave you with the wit and wisdom of Forrest Gump, "That's all I've got to say about that."

Grace and Peace,
Robert

P.S. After the dream, the word "Forever" stood out in my mind, and it reminded me of the song "Forever" by the Dropkick Murphys. It speaks to the situation very well. Here's a beautiful acoustic version of the song.